Military Humor

Here is a sample of "213 Things Skippy Can't Do in the U.S. Army":

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.

84. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

158. The revolution is not now.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.

180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.

185. My name is not a killing word.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.


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